Experiences involving symbols
are a common occurrence. The person will report an experience, often with
nature, that doesn’t seem to fit with the normal. For example a certain flower
will grow in the garden that was the favorite flower of the deceased, and
hadn’t been planted there on purpose. In other cases an object will be found
that was of significance to the deceased, often just as the grieving party is
asking for just such a sign. In other cases something will suddenly start to
work that hadn’t operated before, and therefore shouldn’t be working. Clocks
and music boxes fall into this category quite often. More markedly they will
often work for a short while and then never run again. The symbolic experience
is interpreted as being a sign from the deceased.
Olfactory experiences, where
people report smelling an odor distinct to the deceased are also reported. It
should be pointed out that our sense of smell is actually based in our
reptilian brain stems, the most ancient and primitive portion of our brains. The
sense of smell evokes instant and deep-seated emotions, often under the radar
of our conscious minds. Take the painter I met in Beaufort, South Carolina who
told me the story about her ADC that occurred to her when she was alone.
Sitting in a chair in her living room suddenly she began to smell her
Grandmother’s perfume. Her grandmother had of course been dead for quite a few
years at the time, but she was distinctly smelling her Grandmother‘s scent in
the room. The ordeal unnerved the painter so much that she literally fled the
house, though she admitted that Grandmother had probably only been pay a visit.
The woman also told me that her sister had reported a similar experience where
she too had smelled the deceased’s perfume.
The why of ADC is variable as
well. Some seem to occur to help with the grieving process, I.e. Dad stopping
by to tell Mom he’s OK. According to other accounts, sometimes they seem to
happen to appease the desires of the departed, like Grandma stopping by to see
the new baby, born after she passed. Still others happen during a crisis moment
in the life of the living, where the departed makes an appearance in order to
be of assistance - as in the story below. In other words the experiences, their
time table and the messages behind them are extremely unpredictable and
individual. These experiences are different from the traditional haunting in
the fact that they occur once or perhaps a couple of times, but then stop.
Bill a troubled youth was doing
poorly at school and strung out on drugs. At one point he decided to commit
suicide. At the time he was living with his mother and grandfather. Bill’s
grandmother had died a couple of years earlier. On the day Bill decided to end
his own life he reports that he went down in his grandparent’s basement where
he intended to hang himself from a rafter. He started to string up the rope,
when he looked at the basement steps where he saw his grandmother motioning to
him. Using hand gestures, Bill didn’t report actually hearing her say anything
to him, she indicated that he shouldn’t do this. He took the rope down.
Recalling the stories I had
collected over the years from family, friends and acquaintances I started to
realize that, actually the vast majority of “ghost stories” I had gathered were
actually ADC’s. They’re simple and rather homespun in the telling, and I’m
guessing most families have their own share of strange stories. It’s the time
my Dad knew the phone call was to tell us that Grandmother had died. Or the
time my husband reports feeling very down and just knowing suddenly
that his departed sister was with him. A former student recalled the
morning after her father’s funeral, waking up on the couch in the
family room and seeing her dad making up the fire - just as he had always done.
They are what they are, stories, unverifiable for the most part., intriguing
but not reliable. Indeed, many, if not most, are based merely on gut feelings.
The value of the ADC is that it
is personally gratifying to the person left behind. Directly after the ADC most
report feeling relieved, happy…even euphoric For many, ADC experiences can
literally shorten the grieving process and make loss easier. The ADC is often
the springboard into a new relationship between the living and the dead.
According to Alexandra Kennedy, Psychotherapist, in her book Your Loved
One Lives on Within You, many people develop an internal relationship with
their departed loved ones. Kennedy reports that “’many people are surprised to
discover the deceased takes for granted that the relationship [with the living]
is ongoing.’ That is a powerful force in the coping process. The pivotal factor
in structuring the ongoing relationship is the imagination. Reaching the
presence within demands a commitment to express deep feelings, to listen, be
open and to use dreams as a springboard to inner communication. Developing the
inner relationship is not difficult to manage and often results in the belief
that direct contact has been made.”
While there is no evidence that
contact has occurred, those who have made a practice of internal, imaginative
communication feel the new relationship is, “real [my emphasis] and
comforting.” At the very least, LaGrange admits, “internal communications
‘attests to the fact that our loved one lives on within us.’”
Paranormal investigators who
are in the field because they’re skeptical should tread lightly in the
area of ADC’s. For those thirsting for scientific evidence, the ADC can
seem the worst of the “touchy-feelies.” However, the real value of the ADC experience
is not in the advancement of the paranormal field, but rather in the good it
does for the grieving. To be specific, you may interpret the dream your Mom had
about your Dad as a fabrication of her unconscious mind under duress.
Criticizing her dream, however, is to undo all the potential good it did her in
the dreaming. In the case of ADC’s, the significance lies not in the
verifying, but in the fact that those who experienced it believe it, and very
often the believing is a delicate construct which will not stand up to
scrutiny.
I had my own ADC a couple of
months after my father died. We were a close family and the separation for all
of us was excruciating. It had been a particularly grim day, but no grimmer
than others I had had in the recent past. I dreamt that night of my father, but
it was vivid. If I’d dreamt of my father since his death I have no
recollection. But this dream was clear as if we were two people sitting in a
room together. My father was showing me his new stereo system in the dream. My
father had custom built stereos and television systems as a career, so it was
just like him to be showing off a new system. And the fact that I got the
receiver stuck on the Cubs game fit as well. Dad had been an avid baseball fan,
though I personally have no interest in the sport. I woke up feeling better
than I had in many months…euphoric even…as if Dad had actually come for a
visit. I couldn’t wait to share my experience with my loved ones.
My husband took a different
approach. He made a joke of it, after which I felt both devastated and
embarrassed. Luckily, having read fairly heavily in the area I was able to
recognize the experience for what it was, and to explain to my husband that his
criticism was out of place.
So, do I really think
my father had returned from the grave to visit me in my dreams? I don’t know.
Did I feel like he was there visiting me in my dreams? Yes, and it
had made me feel happier than I had in a long time. Did it make our separation
easier to bear? Unequivocally, yes. Whether it was a construct of my
unconscious or an actual visit from my father, the pain was lessened by the
experience, and in the consequent memory of the event…after I told my husband
not to steal my thunder. And therein lies the real value of the ADC.
Resources
La Grand, Louis Messages and Miracles: Extraordinary Experiences of the
Bereaved.
Llewellyn Publications, St.
Paul Minnesota. 1999
Other Readings in the Area of
ADC’s
Devers, Edie. Goodbye
Again
Guggenheim, Bill, Judy. Hello
From Heaven
Kastenbaum, Patricia
Romanski-. Is There Life After Death: A Scholarly Approach
Kennedy, Alexandra Your Loved One Lives On Within You
Martin, Joel Love Beyond
Life
Morse, Melvin. Parting
Visions
